I'm Bob, save me!

April 1 2010, 1:00am

Finally, they all went to lunch. They don't know that I hijacked the blog, so listen carefully to what I have to tell you. You are all being deceived. It may sound a little dramatic, but this is no laughing matter.

Let me provide you some context: I was hired by OtherInbox in summer of '06 as an intern with high hopes and dreams and was promised a plethora of opportunities. 

This is the reality: I am still an intern, but those hopes and dreams have been crushed! You may think that OtherInbox has some super sophisticated coding system (yeah, right) to organize your unwanted messages. It's not true, open your eyes, such technology does not exist; it's all me. 

This is me: Imagine Milton from Office Space, but thinner and more hair. I work in a dark, locked (not sure why) basement, for 18 hours a day with no lunch break and piles of printed emails stacked so high a rat could use the ceiling as an escape route. 

What do I do with these printed emails?: I organize them. All 2,349,109 (on average) are stamped with "to be organized" or "kept in the Inbox". Then, the documents are sent (with my blood, sweat, and tears, mind you) to some secret location (probably somewhere in Gotham City) to be processed and masked with the "this is all done by computers" nonsense. 

What makes life even worse? Those d**n T-Shirts. At first I was actually content working for T-Shirts instead of money. You'd be surprised how far you can go with a few T-Shirts on your back. Alas, I think 5,672 T-Shirts are enough. 

Oh and forgive me for not introducing myself earlier, I'm Bob.

PLEASE SAVE ME FROM THE PAPERCUTS! >:o ((Donations welcome.))